This Is Why!

"I tell you the truth, whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me." Matthew 25:40

Friday, December 10, 2010

Why Me?

There are days when I ask myself "Why me?"....wondering why God chose to use Kelly and I to adopt an orphan. We are just ordinary people struggling to make ends meet and facing the challenges of raising our two biological children. Most days I feel so inadequate and so NOT capable of caring for another child...but then God always steps in and opens my eyes to the reasons He is using us. We may not have the best of everything to give an orphan but we do have the love...that is one thing that you just don't run out of.... so"Why not me?" There are times when I hear this little voice telling me that we just can't do this...why do we find it so easy to listen to Satan but it's so difficult for us to listen to God...the one who only wants what is best for us. Adopting a child into our family is going to be difficult..it will change everything. But how do you say "No" to God?!! I think about how He sent Jesus to die for me...pathetic little me...so how could I say "No" to whatever He asks of me...well, I can't. I am that person that always has a plan, a schedule...I know pretty much what I am going to be doing each day...so to step out and do something that wasn't on my list of "Things To Do In Life" is pretty scary to me. The only way to get through this is to just know that God knows what is best for me and our family...this adoption is going to change so many lives for the better and I want to stand before God and say that I did what He called me to do. I will always fall short...I will never be able to repay God for all that He has done for me...but I don't want to pass up what I know He is calling us to do.
Usually at Christmas time all I feel is happiness...this year I can't help but think about our other child spending their Christmas in Ethiopia without a family. I pray that someone will love and care for them as much as possible until we can bring them home to be with us. I see my kids getting so excited about Santa and all of the Christmas activities and I can't help but think about our son or daughter in Ethiopia who doesn't get to experience any of that. Watching Iris and Asa in their Christmas program at school this week and singing about Jesus' birth and seeing how they know what the real meaning of Christmas is just touches me so much. No matter how much they love the idea of Santa and all the presents they never forget to talk about it being Jesus' birthday! I can't wait to teach our adopted child all about Jesus and what He did for them!
I feel this empty place in my heart this Christmas....I want so badly to have our child here with us. It's so hard to be patient sometimes...but knowing God has it planned out perfectly gives me hope that it will all be completed at exactly the right time.

I love this verse:

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." Romans 12:2